For the last five years, Mark needed to return to Massachusetts in January for doctor visits. Sometimes, I joined him. Not that I wanted to (who prefers to be in the Boston area in the middle of winter?) but because it was my only solution. Other times, I stayed at a house sit. This year, because of our lovely dog, there was no way out. Maya and I would remain in Zesty for those five days.
Mark and I have pretty much been together 24/7 since the day we became a couple in December 2004. Despite our compatibility, I’m quite independent and truly, utterly adore time alone. In the past, I treasured spurts of me-time on visits to Belgium (which didn’t happen in 2019), a few solo days in California, or evenings apart during Mark’s job at Amazon. Still, I’d never been alone in our camper van for more than 11 hours. So how did that work out last January?
Before I dropped my husband off at the airport in Jacksonville, Florida, he gave me a brief tutorial about the solar panels, the water heater, the Whistle tracking device for Maya, and the quirks of our GPS-system, generator, and other odds and ends. My head was spinning; I’d figure it out.
“I know what’s going to happen,” Mark joked, “You’ll struggle with everything, realize you’re too dependent on me, and want to set off by yourself.” I could tell he was a tad worried leaving Maya and me behind, especially since we didn’t have a campground secured and I hadn’t driven Zesty in over a year. Luckily, all that worked out… in the end.
My desire for freedom, adventure, and independence has always been strong. Often, I have struggled to combine these personality traits with a romantic endeavor. Most of my long-term relationships ended because of this. It can be tricky to find a balance between co-habitation and self-sufficiency. This topic is one of the main themes in my memoir. In chapter two I wrote: “Why is it that we become more dependent when we are in a relationship?” I felt this pull in my thirties – love or freedom – and it’s a consideration that pops up still, in my forties.
Once Maya and I settled at Ocean Pond Campground in Osceola National Forest, I released a big sigh. Free! To do what I want, to eat when I pleased, to cook whatever suited my palette, to spend time with Maya and get her full attention, to go to bed and wake up according to my “schedule”. To surf the web leisurely, to work on my computer uninterrupted, to run this household all by myself.
I changed campsites to attain more sunshine for the solar panels. Maya and I went on an hour-long hike daily (she behaved well, even off leash), I gave her a bath, and we snuggled often, I socialized with other campers, watched the sunset, and made good progress with my writing projects.
On the day of Mark’s arrival, I packed up camp, filled our fresh water tank, said goodbye to new acquaintances, and dumped Zesty’s tanks at the dump station. This went fine, until someone showed up behind me in line. That’s when the fumbling began and mistakes were made (like forgetting to close the valve of the grey water tank – which Mark noticed when we parked that evening – and having the driver seat door cracked when rinsing pollen off the windshield). Ooops!
Dump station at the campground
Check-out time at the campground was noon and Mark wouldn’t land until 5pm, so Maya and I had the afternoon to ourselves. We stopped at Olustee Beach for a bit of exploration and lunch. Afterwards, we visited Olustee Battlefield to learn more about the Civil War (the bloodiest battle in Florida took place here) and go for another walk. There was nobody else around at either site.
By five, after this period of productive, enjoyable, and welcome me-and-Maya-time, I was all smiles to pick up “daddy” and return to free camping. Instead of thinking I’m too dependent on Mark, as he suspected, quite the opposite happened: I can do this myself (unless something breaks, or I forget to close valves) and look forward to the next installment of it just being me.
Back to free camping, here “under the bridge”
Feeling more alive when alone and independent is not new to me. In 2000-2001, I backpacked solo throughout Southeast Asia, New Zealand, and Australia for one year. I LOVED it! Now, I try to squeeze in a few moments here or there. In relationships, as with everything in life, a good balance is the key to success and happiness. And freedom and love.
What are your thoughts on me-time?
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February 12, 2020 at 15:08
The struggle is real 🙂 As much as we may love our partners and the time we spend with them, alone time is a necessity to many of us. I’m not sure I’d want to backpack alone for a year but having the freedom to do, cook, and eat what I want, when I want – not all the time, just sometimes – sounds heavenly. Everyone needs a little me-time and I’m glad you were able to enjoy yours!
February 12, 2020 at 16:13
You summed that up just right, Janis! I’d take me-time once in a while as well. Functioning independently, while knowing our partner is “waiting” for us, is the best of both worlds. I have considered (and actually applied to) a five-month job in Antarctica without Mark (and conveniences) in the past, but I don’t think I realized just how long five months is. 🙂
February 12, 2020 at 15:24
Those sunsets look amazing Liesbet and great to hear you enjoyed some alone time with Maya. I think it’s healthy to have alone time and hubby and I are very lucky that we always give each other the space to do that, even when we’re both at home. We both write and create and appreciate the quiet needed for deep work 🙂💜
February 12, 2020 at 16:17
Yes, having that understanding (and respect) in a relationship to give each other time and space is incredibly important. I remember breaking up with a boyfriend once, because I felt him “smothering” me too much. That was a long, long time ago. 🙂 I’ve since learned that such a relationship would never work out. I didn’t know you were both creatives. That is nice and “creates” similar needs. 🙂
February 12, 2020 at 16:19
Me time is super important especially when living in a small space. Fortunately, Al and I have had many years together and have it figured out … for the most part. Those sunset images are beautiful!
February 13, 2020 at 09:22
Hi Ingrid! I think if you can live with another human being in a camper full-time, and especially as long as you and Al have been doing this, you must have it figured out. Or, you would be divorced by now. 🙂 Traveling together – especially in a small space – is the perfect test for a marriage or relationship.
February 12, 2020 at 18:09
Well, if those sunsets won’t inspire you, I don’t think anything will! They are gorgeous! I have to have my alone time, but I don’t think I could be alone in the woods. 🙂 By the way, I did the same with those “smothering boyfriends.” 🙂
February 13, 2020 at 09:25
Those sunsets had me running back inside the camper as it was freezing those nights, Jill. 🙂 I had to chuckle at your treatment of past “smothering boyfriends”. Balance is key, with alone time and snuggle time.
February 12, 2020 at 18:33
Hi, Liesbet – I love the self-discovery of this post. Rhe sunsets captured are also incredible!
February 13, 2020 at 09:25
Thanks, Donna. While my memoir is written “from the heart”, I don’t do this often enough in my blogs…
February 12, 2020 at 18:57
You remind me Liesbet, how writing is alone time, even when loved ones are close by. You made me think about my husband and our relationship and the balance between co-habitation and self-sufficiency. Great point! When did you become so wise at such a young age.🙂 We have been apart at times and both of us like our alone time. I think part of the secret of success, is knowing we will see each other again. Balance is a great word, Liesbet!
February 13, 2020 at 09:31
Haha, Erica! I wouldn’t consider myself wise, but I do have a lot of “street smarts” picked up during decades of travel. 🙂
Yes! Enjoying me-time is much easier (and enjoyable) when you know you’ll see each other again. It is a very different experience when you are single. Often, when I meet single, independent women, I feel a jolt of envy. Then, I realize most of those people would prefer to have a like-minded partner. And, if I really needed a longer break, I should be able to take it, while having my loved one there upon my return.
Writing is, indeed, a solo activity, but for some reason I like it better (I can concentrate better) when Mark is not around. Unfortunately, that’s impossible every single workday, every hour of the day… So, I have learned to focus with his company around.
February 12, 2020 at 19:25
My favorite part of your desire for alone time, is to get Maya’s “full attention”. I thought you were going to write, “give her my full attention”.. haha. Yes I know that Maya’s favorite human in Mark. (Mango our Aussie also had a preference for Ben, over me), so I understand.
I just spent 8 days solo here in Hoi An while Ben went to the Philippines for bamboo work, and yes I too enjoy my time alone. I have no problem being with myself and have no desire even for any social plans either. But after about 5 days I am ready for Ben to come back! It did make me realise how much stuff HE does… like doing the dishes and driving us around and taking care of logistics in general. So that’s a good feature of being solo as well, appreciating how much the other person does in the relationship.
I have another solo bout upcoming in the beginning of March and have mixed feelings. Like you guys, we are together almost 24/7, so while I welcome a few days, 8-10 just feels a bit long… Oh well, it’s part of his job, so I just need to make the most of the time. I usually think about how much stuff I am going to get done, being on my own, but in reality, I get way more things done when he is around!
I like the ocean pond and the photos of the Florida trail… looks like a lovely place to spend time.
Peta
February 13, 2020 at 09:39
Your living situation with Ben right now rings like music to my ears, Peta. Although, I have to agree that a week alone at a time sounds about perfect. I like that this alone time makes us appreciate our partners better as well. Yet, I’m surprised you get more done when he IS around. For me, it’s the opposite. When I’m alone, I can focus better on my projects. (I think that’s a result of living in a 19ft space, though.) That, and I can plan other activities (like eating and snuggling with Maya) around it, instead of having to drop everything because it is lunch or dinner time.
Oh, I enjoyed Maya’s company when Mark was gone. To our surprise, she was quite fine, after he left. She whined in the car for about ten minutes after I dropped him off at the airport and then she got over it! I was her person during those five days and she was happy and behaved pretty much the same (to a lesser extend of excitement) as she is with Mark. Then, from the moment he was back, all that was forgotten and I became invisible again. 🙂
February 12, 2020 at 20:02
OMG, this post so resonated with me. I need “me time” and downtime from the world. Not necessarily from Les, it is more about relaxing and enjoying being by myself. I am not a social butterfly and really dislike groups. Weirdly we do become more dependant on our partners even if we did live quite happily by ourselves for years before becoming a couple.
We had 4 nights apart the first in nearly 20 years, no reason to have time apart. The trip to Melbourne was a “I can do this” sort of trip.
The time will come when I will be “just me” sooner than later, as you know. So easy to be brave when it is not reality. We shall see what I find works for me.
I am pleased you and Maya “survived” okay and no doubt appreciated Mark more when he returned.
February 13, 2020 at 09:48
Hi Suz!
I was hoping this post would resonate with some of my readers, especially the ones who travel(ed) a lot and you certainly fit in that category. Your trip to Melbourne shows that you can still do it! 🙂
Having me-time away from other people is another beast to me, as I would need that way more frequently than time away from Mark. Yeah… don’t get me started on having groups of inconsiderate people around us, like in our current campground, where our neighbor has been fuming us with the exhaust of his generator for 50 hours straight and counting. And, there’s nothing we can do about it, except leave. Yet, we parked here well before him. Not so easy to find free camping in Florida, though, so we feel a bit stuck, despite our headaches and nausea.
You are right about the fact that it’s easy to be “brave” right now, when the situation is still so much better. We can anticipate things in our head as much as we want, but the reality will still hit hard when it happens. In 2019, two of our traveling friends passed away, leaving their partners of years of 24/7 living alone. It’s tough! Sending my hugs to you both.
February 12, 2020 at 20:07
Backpacking by yourself is far more than just going a few days without Mark! But you survived both.
If my wife has to be away, I hate it.
February 13, 2020 at 09:50
That’s so sweet, Alex! Have you told your wife? 🙂 And you’re right, surviving (literally – oh, the stories) that year of backpacking by myself was a much bigger deal than being apart from Mark. Not sure whether I could do that first one again…
February 12, 2020 at 21:37
I smiled all the way through this as I remember thinking about you alone while Mark took care of business in Massachusetts. In fact, I believe I checked on you once after your visit in Jacksonville and realized – of course – you can take care of yourself and LOVE your alone time.
My thoughts? For 30+ years Cliff traveled with his art show during the week, and I was free to be me: becoming involved in multiple projects at the college and coping with “house” problems, the worst of which was getting roofing estimates when the dining room ceiling became a “sieve” after a rainstorm. Hubby helped but I was “in charge” then!
Yes, striking a good balance is KEY especially in close quarters. Once again, great post, Liesbet!
February 13, 2020 at 09:55
You did check on me, Marian, and that was so sweet of you. It made me happy and more confident to know that there were a couple of kind souls (there was another friend from St. Augustine who checked in once as well) thinking about me and ready to help out if needed.
“Free to be me”. So beautifully said. That should have been the title of my post. You’re so much better with catch phrases and puns and titles! 🙂
Those times alone, when Cliff was on the road, must have felt empowering. Although, you probably didn’t think of it that way… I can’t imagine having a roof leak on you and the kids that way. “Where are the buckets???”
February 16, 2020 at 22:12
😀
February 12, 2020 at 21:38
This is so interesting. I too am with Jim 24/7 and really consider being with him kind of like being alone if that makes sense, as we are just so much on the same wavelength, but I do take the easy way out and let him do lots of (practical) stuff that I should try and do as well. Laziness. But that kind of makes me forget what I am capable of sometimes. A few years ago I went on holiday by myself, just to prove to myself that I could do it alone. Since then I haven’t felt the need for that. But I do need to give myself a shake and learn some stuff. You’ve got me thinking! And interesting about the writing. When I write my journal, I need to be alone. I take myself off to a café or something. That is ‘me time’.
February 13, 2020 at 21:32
Hi Trace! I think Mark and I often “force” this being together 24/7 unto ourselves, as we never really have a good method to get away from each other or have a separate room (to write for examples) in our ways of life. And I’m also most comfortable at home. Talk about laziness, right?
To get back to the other laziness, I totally understand. We get comfortable in our roles within the relationship. Each spouse has their “specialities” and we take this for granted. Yes, we get comfortable in our positions and don’t do effort to learn more or practice new skills needed to keep our lives going.
When sailing, these were called “pink” jobs and “blue” jobs and it was actually more important then to switch roles once in a while and know what to do in case of an emergency (which could be fatal on the water).
Yep, getting out of our comfort zone sometimes is a good thing! 🙂
February 13, 2020 at 22:48
Yes, I can see the camper van thing makes it harder. I understand why you need your own time, but you two must have such a good relationship, not only are you together 24/7, you’re together 24/7 in a tiny space. We housesit regularly for a couple who talk about blue jobs and pink jobs. I’m gonna learn me some blue jobs!
February 16, 2020 at 21:06
How are those blue jobs going, Trace? 🙂
Yes, Mark and I have a pretty fantastic relationship. We kind of have to, living this lifestyle since the moment we got together fifteen years ago. I always call us the “perfect team”. Not that we don’t have our issues… 🙂
February 12, 2020 at 23:17
Hey Liesbet! So glad to hear you had some good alone time. I would DEFINITELY need some space if I lived in zesty with Thom and a dog as big as Maya. While I don’t need a ton of space, I do need to be able to go into my office and “chill” out a bit. Hoping you are feeling all refreshed now for the days ahead! ~Kathy
February 13, 2020 at 21:35
Hi Kathy! That was certainly another advantage of doing house sits: having several rooms to get away from each other. We usually each had our own office or at least work space. I think not having those “comfort breaks” in houses anymore makes it harder to work now and makes me crave more alone time.
February 13, 2020 at 02:00
This is why I doubt I could live with anyone again. As much as I may love the person, I really enjoy living by myself (well, and the kitties), and it’s awesome being able to control my environment, especially as a writer. In my experience, men always seem to want the TV on or some kind of noise, while I prefer silence.
I’m much happier when both parties have their own space, and togetherness is a choice.
I may change my mind someday, but Chris moved out almost three years ago, and it still doesn’t feel like enough time alone.
February 13, 2020 at 21:44
Aha! Now I’ve learned the key to your writing success: living alone. Or with kitties. 🙂 Oh, JH, that makes such a big difference. To create your own schedules. Especially as a writer. When we are in the zone, we need to stay there and not be snapped out of it by a voice. Or a TV! Funny you mention that part as, even though we don’t have TV, Mark sure watches a lot of YouTube videos in his spare time. And, he gives me “the eye” when I ask him to put headphones on. Really?? I love and need silence as well.
“… when togetherness is a choice”. I like that sentiment. You make me wonder (again) whether I wouldn’t be better off having my own space. Those years in the past were blissful. I once sent my ex back to the US when I lived in Belgium and couldn’t handle having him around, because I was so busy with my teaching job, daily errands, and my volleyball “career”! So, I know how you feel about that. Three years already, huh? Wow. Time really flies.
February 18, 2020 at 10:50
Well, it’ll be three years in August, but yes, it certainly does.
I find I tend to get used to whatever my situation is, but living alone makes it so much easier to focus and write. I’d love to have just the “good parts” of living together, but I know it’s a lot more complicated than that, and can be really challenging for a relationship.
When you need silence to focus, it’s hard to find a partner who feels the same way. At least, in my experience.
February 19, 2020 at 15:04
I agree with all your points here, JH! I get used to about any situation as well – when I’m ready to “move on”, which usually happens quite fast – and find it difficult to concentrate with a partner around. Because of our lifestyle, this happens every day I try to work. I’ve missed our house sits, where we each had our own office and desk… But, when I get to a stopping point, I’ll be able to enjoy the sightseeing and doing things together again.
February 13, 2020 at 03:05
I can definitely relate to your feelings. My own company is the best company, but it can also get lonely. I didn’t commit to a full time relationship until I was almost 50 years old. That’s how independent I was. Now I sort of like allowing myself to be (a little) dependent on another.
February 16, 2020 at 20:43
Wow, I had no idea how important independence was to you, Leslie. You sure tasted the best of both worlds like this. And, yes, I do like the fact that Mark takes care of so much. Yet, sometimes I have to be reminded of the fact that I could handle most things myself as well. Although, I’d be at a loss if I ever had to do my own tax returns or fix anything on the engine!!
February 13, 2020 at 03:57
Definitely, you need a balance. I enjoy the odd evening to myself when John is elsewhere, and although I miss him on his trips away I’m not really lonely. I have plenty other things going on and I enjoy my own company. However, more than a week-10 days is less good! The longest we have been apart is when John worked in Hong Kong for 6 weeks. I went out for the first week and remember sobbing in the airport when I had to leave him to come home. Paradoxically, I missed him more when I was working*. Work was full-on during the week, then I’d get to the weekend and think “now what?”, whereas now I have a more even spread of activities. I think the age of blogging and social media makes it easier too. I can always chat to my lovely online friends!
*Don’t tell him 😉!
February 16, 2020 at 20:49
I won’t tell him! 🙂 Sox weeks apart is a long time. Then again, when I had a long-distance relationship with my previous (also American) boyfriend, it felt just right to be able to do my thing and it was weird when we’d spend 24/7 together during the weeks that we hung out. The two different periods were too extreme.
I think the more activities we have planned, the less the “missing” happens. And I think that’s what goes on with me when Mark and I are apart. I always have so much to do, regardless, but have to get used to only getting a fraction done with him around that by the time I’m finally alone again, I cram as much in as possible and feel more productive. This leaves little time to miss somebody. 🙂 I agree with you that a week to ten days is the perfect time frame to be independent. Once in a while.
February 17, 2020 at 02:55
I agree! Once in a while, and the trick is to keep busy.
February 19, 2020 at 15:01
🙂
February 13, 2020 at 08:47
I can so relate to this 🙂 Me time is super important.
February 16, 2020 at 20:50
Right!? You and Scott have been apart for long periods at a time not too long ago. But, I bet you got loads done… like starting a writer’s career. 🙂
February 13, 2020 at 10:17
I’m afraid I’m almost too selfish when it comes to me time! J and I have a good relationship, though, and he totally gets that I need my time away a few times a year at least. And those are just the extended times alone; I also have the house to myself when I am not working, and I often slip away for a few days here and there for a road trip or a kid or parent visit on my own.
As either you or a commenter said, part of what allows me to feel good in my solitude is the knowledge that there is still someone out there waiting for me to come back! That makes a big difference; I think if I were single and alone all the time, I would be sad – even though I am very handy and capable and happy with my own company.
I’m glad you got some alone time and enjoyed it so much!
February 16, 2020 at 20:57
I’m actually quite envious of you and your me-time, Lexie. Seriously. Selfish or not – we are allowed to be somewhat selfish. I wish I had the time (and the resources) to travel on my own and get out and about by myself once in a while. Or, go on a trip with a good friend. Or go on a solo adventure to a different country. People tell me/us that we live such an adventurous life, but, compared to my earlier travels and experiences (or our boat life a few years ago), our current lifestyle is pretty lame. 🙂
There is a lot of value to having a partner and knowing that he/she is or will be there for you at the end of your time alone. To be honest, the year I had a long-distance relationship (with an ex) was the best of both worlds. Although the contrast was too big between being apart or together (24/7). It always required some adjusting and by the time we were used to each other’s company again, one of us had to fly back to our home country.
February 13, 2020 at 22:25
Your description of getting the balance of being with your loved one but needing your aLONE time is perfect. We don’t want to hurt our partner’s feeling (as in, push them out the door while saying, “oh, I’ll miss you so much” and crossing our fingers behind our back) but we also don’t want our loved one thinking we can’t manage without them. in a lot of ways, as part of a. couple we each want to think that the other can’t manage without us. And long-term, we certainly don’t want to. But as humans, we need (or at least most of us need) to feel the freedom and release from thinking and planning around another. To just BE – and be alone. My guy used to travel a lot for business, and I didn’t mind his trips away for one second. But I joyfully reunited with him when he returned. Like Peta, I found five days to work just find of independence. The good news is that then missing each other is a happy result. <3
February 16, 2020 at 21:04
What you describe is so healthy for a relationship, Pam! And, it’s almost like we – women – want it all. We want to feel strong and independent, but we also want to feel needed. And, we need our partners. I think we all just crave some confirmation once in a while that we’d be just fine (for five days) without each other, to then embrace being together again.
But, because Mark and I live 24/7 together, I feel like I don’t have enough of that solo time. We also only have the van, so it’s not really possible to get out by myself for the day, to get away from it all We do everything together, except work. And even then, he might be sharing our one table with me…
February 18, 2020 at 17:54
That’s a LOT of “us” time – the fact that you two not only love each other, but still LIKE each other, says multitudes. <3
February 19, 2020 at 15:05
Yep, we sure do like and love each other still, but there’s ups and downs like in every relationship. And, sometimes, the downs make me question our relationship. For about one hour. 🙂
February 14, 2020 at 13:28
Good for you and Maya Liesbet. Dave and I have been together over 40 years and we would agree having time apart is good for the relationship.
February 16, 2020 at 21:08
You and Dave rock, Sue! It’s amazing after 40 years! You are so on the same page and have fun together and laugh a lot and are such a cute, positive, adventurous, and happy couple. I’d love to be in your shoes one day. 25 more years to go. 🙂
February 15, 2020 at 18:43
I can’t believe Mark told you that you’d struggle with everything and realize your too dependent on him!
My biggest alone time since Greg and I have been traveling is when Greg flew to South Carolina from the Bahamas when his grandson was born leaving me alone on the boat for a long weekend. We were anchored out and a westerly had just blown through. By the time I dinghied back to the boat the wind had changed and I realized if I were to stay in that spot it would become very uncomfortable. Although I had never done it before, l pulled up the anchor (no windless) and moved the boat (I always piloted the boat so this was no big deal except I had no backup) through a tricky little channel to a better spot. I bruised my hands and dragged dropping the anchor – but in the end I did it safe and sound.
I think it was good all around as it probably also gave Greg more confidence in my abilities (and showed him I could do it without him). That Spring, at Greg’s suggestion I piloted the boat completely by myself the 25 or so miles down the St. Lucie River, through the St. Lucie lock to our marina at Indiantown.
Anyways – I know how easy it is to just let your partner do technical type things and then wonder what would happen when left on your own. But I also know you bring lots to the partnership – like if it wasn’t for you, Mark would have never met us!
I think one of the top comments people make when I tell them that Greg and I travel together in a van is that they couldn’t imagine being with their significant other 24/7. And it can be hard sometimes.
I’m glad you had good alone time! What a great post about an interesting topic!
February 16, 2020 at 21:18
I think Mark was mostly joking. I knew it wouldn’t work out the way he described. He was genuinely worried that I’d get in trouble somehow without him and all I kept thinking was “Why do you think that? I guess I really haven’t proven myself in terms of my independence lately.”
Like you experienced in the Bahamas, it’s a positive development to be alone and having to figure things out. And, the thing is, you (I) will. We make things work and we all have survival instincts. The fact that you could reanchor your boat all by yourself and navigate it as well is such a boost of confidence and plain awesome. I always thought I’d be able to do this in Irie, but I never put it to the test. Laziness. Complacency.
Being 24/7 together – as you know – brings its challenges. But, if we survive living for years in a van (or sailboat) together, we can probably survive everything together.
I had to laugh at your take on my contribution to the partnership: you guys. Haha! I think it’s all give and take in relationships and while I sometimes do wonder about what I add, it is true that the social part of our life (online, by email, and in person) is 100% my domain. 🙂
February 16, 2020 at 13:08
Essentially I’d be much better at being a single person than half a couple. We are chalk and cheese and though it mostly works there are times when I do wonder… and this after 30 years of marriage and 17 years ‘courtship’ 🙂 🙂 But yes, I do rely on him a lot for practical stuff like driving and home maintenance. He doesn’t cook and I find that irksome at times. ‘My space’ in our house is the roof terrace while he is more often on the patio, and I ‘escape’ to t’ai chi and crouet. It’s a hard life I have, isn’t it? 🙂
February 16, 2020 at 21:28
Haha, Jo! Yes, a hard life, but you’re making it work. 🙂
Now I understand better why it’s sometimes hard to not be in the UK anymore. But, you have friends around in Tavira as well. And you both have your own hobbies or entertainment mixing it up with being together. Sounds like a decent balance. I wish I had some kind of area to “escape” to, but that’s a tad hard in a 19ft camper.
All that being said, I totally understand you, as I often feel the same. And, my memoir touches on this as a main theme… while we are happy together and a good match and all those things, I wonder what you’re wondering. Wouldn’t I be better off single?? It sounds harsher than it is, really, but it is a frequent thought.
February 16, 2020 at 15:33
You are incredibly inspiring, Liesbet, for doing this on your own. I am very dependent on Hans for our trailer camping (But could pitch a tent and backpack sort of solo as a young 20-something). I totally get your need for alone time, too. Looks like you handled everything well and managed to snap some fab photos of the experience, too! Hope all went well with Mark’s medical checkup and that you are back to exploring!
February 16, 2020 at 21:33
There you go Terri, you could go camping on your own… The RV (and in our past, the boat) thing is a lifestyle we both picked and, yes, I’m dependent on Mark for many factors of that. Yet, it’s good to be able to do some of it myself. But, if I were single, I would find a different means of travel. That being said, I would like to spend two or three weeks just with Maya and Zesty one day. I’m sure I’d miss Mark after such an amount of time. 🙂
Mark’s check-ups went well. Thank you for asking. We are now in Florida for the rest of the winter, but not exploring much. I really need to prioritize my book for the time being. It remains a goal in 2020 to get that thing published and I’m only able to make progress if we don’t drive and travel every day!
February 19, 2020 at 12:06
This looks like a great (yet short) memoir for a travel magazine. I loved it.
Anna from elements of emaginette
February 19, 2020 at 15:07
Thanks, Anna! Glad you liked it (and could relate?). I am so looking forward to having more time and actually consider writing articles and essays for travel magazines! 🙂
February 19, 2020 at 13:55
How lovely that you enjoyed your ‘me’ time, and even lovelier that you were glad to have Mark back! You’re right about the independence vs. companionship conundrum – that was always a difficulty for me, too. But I finally realized that WANTING someone else around and enjoying their companionship (and help with the heavy lifting) wasn’t the same as NEEDING someone else and losing my independence. Like you, I treasure my ‘me’ time, but I’m always glad when Hubby returns. Hooray for you and Mark! 🙂
February 19, 2020 at 15:12
Seriously good point about the wanting and the needing. I’ll keep that in mind when I’m having one of my “need to be more independent” bouts!! I also feel that the advantages of being in a relationship surpass the advantages of being single. Sometimes, in my mind anyway, it’s a toss-up, though. My “worry” (concern) is that I’ve never actually missed Mark. Probably because I’ve never been alone long enough to indulge in that feeling…
February 20, 2020 at 15:07
You’re right about advantages and disadvantages to both; but I guess as long as you continue to see the advantages to being together, you’re doing fine! 😉
February 22, 2020 at 20:10
🙂
February 19, 2020 at 15:12
Hi – enjoyed hearing about your week
With maya – with such nice photos – and your Memoir sounds interesting
Regarding my take on me time – I sure needed lots of it in my early 20s and did various solo trips (your long backpack adventure sounds amazing)
And my husband and I have been married 24 years and we are compatible (like you and Mark) and what I discovered over the years was how we always managed to find what we needed at different seasons-
We both worked from hike for part of our work and so that allowed us even more time together – which I know could drain some folks but the way it unfolded was good. I did notice – however – that we both found ways to get that private time – and some days while
Working in the same house we might be tucked away for hours doing our own thing.
February 19, 2020 at 16:11
Thank you for your visit, comment, and insights!
Maybe age brings less desire of being by ourselves, because we rely more and more on our partners, physically and mentally? I’m so happy to read that you and your husband are compatible as well!! I think it’s important to be able to communicate what it is that we want and to detect when this involves time apart. I have to agree that working from home – in a house with different rooms – wouldn’t bother me either. There’s enough space to escape or “do your own thing”. That’s why house and pet sitting, combined with van life, worked quite well for us, as a couple, as travelers, and as freelancers. These days, 19ft of space provides a tough work environment.
March 4, 2020 at 14:00
Liesbet, my longest period of travelling without an adult companion was two months. I camped across Canada and back in a small, antique motor home. I wasn’t alone — I was travelling with my 14 year-old son and our dog. Previous to that, I did a two month trip camping trip in a van and tent trailer from northern BC to San Diego and back with my three kids. For that one, my brother joined us for last last half of the trip. Travelling with kids is not like being alone. My longest solo trips have been about one week in length, but they were all work related — to conferences or meetings.
I can understand that it would be very peaceful to have some solo time.
Jude
March 4, 2020 at 22:06
Hi Jude!
I’m sure those travels with your children were quite precious. Quality time, for sure. Even with the company of your dog. Tha all sounds like bonding to me.
While human beings are social creatures (in general), I think it’s healthy to distance ourselves from our partners (and others) once in a while. I seem to need it to (re)discover my self-worth and self-sufficiency. It’s a bit tricky as well, since I’ve always loved my freedom and I’m worried that this urge might overpower my desire for companionship at some point. It’s the main theme in my memoir (although I’m not sure that shines through)!
March 7, 2020 at 09:31
You did good! We had a camper van for 10 years and I never once offered to handle the Dump Station chores. Go you!
March 7, 2020 at 16:00
Haha! I can’t blame you. You were the wisest in this case. 🙂 Usually, my husband (wearing gloves) handles the actual dumping part at dump station and I assist in handing him the water hose, turning the rinse taps on and off, flushing our toilet inside with extra water, or opening and closing our swing-out bike rack. When he was gone, it was the first and only time I dealt with the entire process.